Enjoy
The Compounder:
Most educated households in India have a doctor within the family. As a result, going to a physician is a rarity unless you have to visit a specialist. I have hardly ever had to visit the doctors office in this country. Aside from the fact that there is no health care let alone managed health care, doctors aplenty open shop on every corner treating a variety of illnesses. The definition of health care is how well you yourself care for your health with your own money. In other words, some health insurance instruments do exist, but, they cover too little and pay too little when it comes to covering for health costs. The concept of a doctors visit is very different here as against the US. Medication is based on diagnosis and interaction with the patient as against tests. I remember my first doctors appointment in the US when a ton of blood was sucked out of me and chemical tests were run on it as I was dressed in a funny gown. No one talked to me or bothered to ask me if anything was wrong with me. Everything had to be written in a multiple choice questionnaire, most of whose answers were very binary (yes & no types). It was as though I was in a carwash and all I needed to do was specify the car I was driving, roll in the radio antenna and select the type of carwash before entering. In India, diagnosis is done by interacting with the patients. The doctor here at times yells at you for being overweight or being clumpsy with your health. I was sternly and firmly warned to not stay up at night watching TV. Diagnosis is the essence of medicinal treatment and it has been completely replced by mechanization in a letigious society like the US where all doctors are worried they would get sued for wrongly treating the patient. Mis-diagnosis occurs and occurs frequently, but, there is something about the human element when the doctor tells you in person with a pat on your shoulder "everything is ok with you, just take these 3 times a day".
What I actually wanted to relate was the spate of a set of species called the compounders. Over the years, the Indian drug industry has matured. Back in the good old days, there were no tablets and if there were, there were compounders that would prepare mixtures, slurries etc for the patients to consume. The compounder was a semi-qualified intelligent college grad that could understand the preparation of mixtures in proportions. The modern day version of this person in the US is the pharmacist. Every physician had a compounder and it was important that you had a good relationship with this dude if you wanted to get your meds on time. The compounders scheduled appointments with the doctor and acted as the receptionist and a telephone operator. Since drugs started pouring into the market all packaged and labelled and even emulsified when needed, the compounder became nothing more than a receptionist and for the doctor, a cost center, a liability. Within a span of a few years, a ton of compounders were laid off filling the job market with these supposedly experience, unqualified semi-professionals. They could not land jobs because they didnt have a degree in medicine and most could not transition to an equal paying job and resorted to becoming receptionists and other low profile positions. Some rebels however took a novel approach. They relocated to villages and became quacks or should I say 'half quacks'. They saw an opportunity in the fact that doctors often over charge for treatment on common ailments like cough, cold, flu and some minor infectious diseases. They started undercutting into the doctors market. This still happens illegally as these semi-quacks prescribe medication to poor people who cannot afford a visit to the doctor. It works most of the time when it's the equivalent of OTC self druggable illness, but, at times as in the case of a security guard at my friends place, it has drastic effects. This person took medication from one such quack and had a bad allergy and had to be admitted to the hospital. In the end, he landed up paying way much more than a doctors visit. These risks are known to everyone that goes to these semi-quacks and the risk is assumed by the patient.
Time(pass): keeping watches fast or slow:
One of the wierdest practises that comes from not having much respect for time, is the habit of keeping your watch fast or slow. No one on the street here will tell you the accurate time without telling you what time it really is. I think the habit emanates from a need for tardiness that people lack. Most people tend to keep their watches ahead of actual time and psychologically convince themselves that that new time is the actual time. So, at exactly 4:00 PM, they will set their watches at 4:10 PM. If you ask people the time, they will usually respond after a long pause. This pause is for recollecting how much ahead of 'actual' time they have set up their watches and then subtracting that from the time that the watch shows. Extreme cases of this phenomenon are people like my aunt who have absolutely no regard for time whatsoever. She usually tends to keep her watch and clocks about 20-25 min ahead of time in order to make it in time for some appointment. I almost freaked out seeing her clock one day for I thought I was going to be miserably late for a meeting.
The other side of this story is of those people that keep their watches running behind actual time. I have never understood this breed of people and the logic behind keeping watches behind actual time. In these cases, the best case scenario would be that you would run late to your appointments every single time. I guess the fact that they have to hurry up for every appointment gives them an adrenalin rush or they are just comfortable with the reputation of being fashionably late everywhere.
An interesting variation of this concept is what I call the 'catch up time'. See this is far more complicated than adjusting time ahead or behind accurate time. The catch up time goes something like this. If you have a clock or watch (which many people do here) that falls behind in time, then you have three options: 1. Replace it (expensive option), 2. Repair it (usually no warranty, so may not be viable) or 3. Adjust it to catch up time. What these people do is they adjust the watch/ clock to run 15 min ahead of time and follow the rate at which the watch falls behind over a course of time. So, for example, if I set such a clock at 9:15 AM when the actual time is 9:00 AM, I have set it to run 15 min ahead of real time. Then, I observe it every hour or two hours and compare it with the reference of a properly functional time instrument. I then start to memorize the rate at which it falls behind and get used to the calculation. Within days I become an expert at telling the time using this method. The downside is that you have to readjust this clock/watch to run 15 min every day at a fixed time of reference, 9:00 AM being it in this case.
Daytime running lights
I tried this for a few days with showers looming over Mumbai and I think Im going to give it up. My vehicles in the US did not have compulsory daytime running lights, but, If I did and if I'd imported them here, I would be going crazy. The concept of keeping your car lights running in daylight is incomprehensible to people here. My father thought I was retarded when I told him that I was keeping them on on purpose. Anyway, everywhere you go with daytime running lights, there is a code for your fellow passengers to inform you of the folly. At times, the on coming traffic will flash their high beam at you as an indication and on other occassions they will make a hand sign. This hand sign looks like you are trying to desperately open a large door knob and it isnt opening. The fingers twril around repeatedly around the knob indicating that your lights are on. On other occassions, they just point a finger at your headlamps assuming that you will get it. Nooooooooooooo people, I want to keep my lights on during the day.... please leave me alone. I think I am getting better at ignoring these people now.
The Bell rings:
I dont want to stake claim as being a pampered pricess, but, cheap labor has it's spoils in India. The downside of this is that these laborers are constantly coming to your place to do something. Here is a sequence of events every day that make our door bell ring
Ring 1: Newspaper dropped
Ring 2: Cook for breakfast
Ring 3: Car keys for cleaning
Ring 4: Cleaning lady
RIng 5: Milk delivery
Ring 6: Car key return after cleaning
Ring 7: Maid for children
Ring 8: Driver for car keys
Ring 9: School bus
Ring 10: Trash collection
Aside from these routine rings, there are courier, TV cable bill, Credit card bill delivery, pizza, the cleaning lady for phase II of cleaning., water bills, electricity bills, society circulars, activity circulars, notices, pest control, home delivery of shopping etc etc etc
Kite flying:
This is a chapter that I intended on completing in fall, but, accidentally left out. The kite flying culture of India is unique. It is recreational to start with, but, mostly fiercely competitive once you know how to fly one. According to legend, the kite flying tradition came with the Islamic rule from Persia & Mughal invaders of the early part of the last millenium. A lot of the kite making industry is thus owned and operated by Muslim people. The kites are simple in design. Actually, there is just one design, the conventional kite, the one shaped like, well.... a kite (diamond). Fundamentally, a kite is made of two sticks and a diamond shaped paper with the sticks intersecting at the middle of the square. They do not produce well balanced kites here, so, skill lies in controlling the kite and making it fly high. At times, the kite is so miserably imbalanced, that one has to attach a clip on one side for it to even fly. The procedure of flying the kite is the same as anywhere. Someone takes the kite with the string away from the flier and then just tosses it up in the air. The wind does the rest.
As for the competition part, that is where things get interesting. A normal or novice kite flier usually stays around the sub 100 foot altitude level. There is no point in a novice competing with the big guns for air space. The big guns or the 'kite gurus' can fly higher. These gurus are involved in what is called 'kite killing'. The rabbit hole gets deeper as you enter the competition. In a competition, the objective is to entangle your kite's string and cut the competitiors string keeping yours intact. Now there are several factors to consider when engaging in such kite-combat. You need good sharp & strong string. You need to make sure, you are in control of the situation. You need to avoid ambush and in case you get ambushed, you need to be prepared. The key is to be in a strategic position so that once the strings are crossed, you quickly release your kite and let it drift further in the process creating enough abraison on the other string to cut it. I have noted that the other alternative of pulling the string usually results in your string getting cut. A lost kite is public property. After a brief pause for celebration once your opponents kite is cut, begins a frenzy to recover the lost kite. Most of the time, a lost kite is never recovered by the owner. It is a unique thrill to anticipate where a freely flying owner-less kite will land and grab it. In my lifetime, I havent been responsible for many such acquisitions, but, those that I have been successful at have given me memories to cherish.
Space? :
Almost at every juncture in time, you are bound to run into the chaos caused by a billion people. Yes, the right handed slap of the population virus is evident from the time you step out of the house to the time you hit the movie theatre. Almost every venture, be it a park or a street corner vendor will be swamped with people the minute it is launched. This is one of the major cultural differences that one has to adjust to in India. Courtsey and chivalry are slaves to urgency and competition. The disease of overpopulation causes some interesting altercations in human behavior. For instance, almost never will you see a line being formed outside a place of work. People mostly form swarms in front of a gate as though they are protesting rather than lining up to enter the arena. If a queue is formed somewhere, there will be entrepreneurs that will start their own queue and then diversify into forming a disoragnized swarm. You see this happen at all places where there is no control over the crowds and where first come first served is the rule. The US Embassy had similar scenes a few years ago. Since, they would not accept a swarm of people, everyone was forced to form a line. In this case, people would come as early at 3 AM to sit on the pavement and form a line for the next day. After 9-11 however, that practise stopped and they accept people only by appointment. The same behavior is reflected in driving. Driving is almost a game of football, where you are the running back and if there is an opening millimeters wider than the width of your car, run through it. In this age of walking with your toes hitting the heels of the person in front, there is no room for space. People have evolved socially to live in cooperation with one another. No one respects the others need for space and 'alone time'. Thus there are few people that live a solitary life. Interestingly, the first time that I walked on one of the busiest streets in mumbai at night, I realized that you could see the ocean from a point on the sidewalk !!! Before that time, I had never realized it in my entire life as the street is almost always guzzling with people sticking their noses in your ears as the double decker buses try to run you over.
Stinking Indians:
There is a common stereotype about Indian’s being smelly and for the most part I agree with it. Most Americans have an oversensitive nose that picks up any odors that trespass a sterile environment. However, the stereotype has a lot of strange explanations that blend with it. Some think that the smell is due to the curry that is consumed by the Indian’s, as though, it leaks from the sweat glands selectively, while the chicken is retained in the body. Yes, Indian’s do smell a lot and that is mostly due to poverty. I am talking Indian Indians. Interestingly, there is a new breed of people in the cities that have been introduced to this stereotype. They have suddenly raised their level of consciousness and have ventured out to shop for body sprays and deodorants. As a result, many a retail stores and television & radio airtimes are being consumed by these fragrance producing companies. Every step of the way, there are advertisements for how a deodorant or spray doesn’t just alter your body odor, it even gets you amongst great looking women in bikinis. Such is the perception that somewhere in the strata of society, there has to be overkill and there is. A section of the society has now believed that drenching themselves in a fragrance is the only way out. These are clearly overcompensating for the lack of something. So, we have moved from a society of stinker’s to a society of stinkers that smell of obnoxious perfume. I notice it every time I step into a cab or some office. If there is a young person around, he or she usually smells of some citrus fruit that gets on your nerves if you are around them for a while. I even had to toss the orange blossom air freshener out of the window after my chauffeur stuck it in my car. I could not eat any oranges this season. I need to tone down my sensitive American nose to survive.